


Something that can wash out the pain

by sisuf1



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M, Pining, Pre-Slash, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-23 16:58:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7471788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sisuf1/pseuds/sisuf1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been barely a year since they started talking to each other again, and Sebastian wishes their little encounter on the podium in Australia meant as much to Mark as it did for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something that can wash out the pain

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by Mark tweeting and instagraming about Fernando's crash at the Australian GP 2016, and Seb and Mark interacting on the podium.

No tweet.

No Instagram pic.

No comments at all.

 

Sebastian has been staring at the screen of his cellphone for at least 10 minutes, staring at the picture of [Fernando grabbing Mark's earlobe](https://www.instagram.com/p/BDOFAFUJFkS/?taken-by=aussiegrit), fondness evident on both of their faces.

Fernando's crash was really scary, and he has always been Mark's favourite person in the paddock, so he shouldn't feel jealous or even surprised over Mark making public his relief. Hell, Sebastian himself felt relieved when he learned that both drivers involved had walked away from that mess. And he keeps telling himself that it's stupid, but he cannot help it, he cannot help the bitter feeling setting at the pit of his stomach. Insecurity fuels doubt inside his mind so easily, because he is no Fernando. 

He is not sure he can claim he and Mark are even friends. No. Fernando is friends with Mark. Very, very close friends. Maybe even more than that?

And he needs to stop that train of thought right the fuck now because it will only get him upset, and how would he explain it if anyone from the team were to find him like this in the middle of the airport waiting lounge.

Yes, Sebastian and Mark are back on speaking terms, have been for a while, and it's a much better relationship than they had before (thanks to the wonders of not having Helmut Marko interfering), but they keep tiptoeing around each other, still not fully comfortable in the new realtionship.

It's been a year since that first chat on the plane on the way back home from Australia. There have been other chats, and other meetings and a dozen of congratulation messages between them during that year, and yet Sebastian still feels like Mark is merely humoring him, not wanting to hurt his feelings, like someone would do with an annoying little kid with a stupid, hopeless, unrequited crush. Some days, Sebastian wonders why would Mark even speak to him at all after all they've been through.

So he keeps staring at the picture, and he can almost hear his own voice in his head: _"Shame that I don't have you as a teammate anymore"_.

He looks for the video online and watches it a few times, careful that no one from the team is lurking around.

It is really embarrassing.

Sebastian's feelings are written all over his face, and if Mark ever had any doubts about Sebastian having a crush on him, well, that must have left things crystal clear.

Gosh, and everybody saw it.

Everybody.

The public.

The team.

Mark.

 

Sebastian sighs loudly as he finally puts his cellphone away, back in his pocket, and tries once more to push aside the feeling of disappointment at the lack of comments from Mark about that.

He closes his eyes, but he cannot stop remembering the feeling of Mark's hand on his waist, the warm touch seeping through his overalls.

He shouldn't feel this hurt. It's not like Mark would ever return his feelings, even if things were different between them, even if they didn't have so much history on their shoulders.

And yet, he still wishes the exchange between them on the podium had meant something (anything) to Mark.

 

Sebastian's cellphone vibrates in his pocket and he rushes to check who the incoming message is from.

But it's not the name he was waiting for flashing on the screen, and he puts the cellphone away again without even reading the message.

Once again, he tries to convince himself that Mark's silence doesn't matter, that what really matters is that things are fine between them, and that is more than enough, because he cannot bear the thought of Mark hating him still, or ever.

This friendship matters most than any silly crush. He repeats it to himself in his mind, like a mantra.

 

His phone vibrates again, startling him out of his thoughts, and he almost ignores it, thinking it's Kimi again, but he decides to reply. Maybe it will keep his mind from spiralling down a storm of frustration, jealousy and unrequited feelings.

But it's not Kimi sending a message this time, and Sebastian's heart skips a beat (or two) while reading the screen:

_"For what it's worth, I miss having you as my teammate too ;)"_

 

Sebastian replies with a _";)"_ of his own, not really trusting his words right now. He puts his cellphone back in his pocket and feels like a heavy weight has been lifted off his shoulders. It's not a public declaration of friendship, and maybe they'll never have those, but this... this is enough, more than enough, and it shouldn't really make him feel this giddy inside.

 

Something settles inside his mind after that message.

And if Sebastian spends the rest of the trip back home randomly staring at his phone and beaming like an idiot, well... nobody needs to know the real reason behind it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm finally taking the plunge and posting one of the ficlets I've written lately... I don't really expect notes or kudos, but if anyone reads this, I'd really love to get some feedback (constructive feedback, please) in order to get better in the future. Thanks!


End file.
